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I really need to learn my lesson about being a little rash when it comes to decisions. In fairness, at least I'm not taking a little rash into account when I am making decisions, which makes it all the easier, but that isn't the point and we're already getting off topic. The point is that Rochdale are odds on now to get promoted out of League Two for the first time since about 1398 (BC, obviously), and under terms of an agreement with a certain Mirfield Panthers goalkeeper I'll be contractually obligated to review the High School Musical trilogy.
On the plus side, contractual obligations cease at the end of the world, and I have a theory that should Rochdale actually get out of the bottom tier of English League football a paradox will ensue. The four horsemen of the apocalypse will ride in the skies; Odin will wake from his slumber and cast judgement upon the world; the Earth will be potted into a black hole in a game of intergalactic bar billiards, scoring thirty points while six and a bit billion people die. Or something. Anyway, the point is that I won't have to review the HSM films (if the word can actually be used).
There is a similar theory related to what would happen if I ever actually got a girlfriend. Accordingly, I'm trying hard to get a girlfriend and bring about the end of the world to save my own skin from the aforementioned rash promise. (A promise of a rash, as discussed, is something to keep between you and that lass from last night.)
Anyway, moving on from the realms of universe-altering events such as my love life becoming successful and Rochdale breaking the traditions of the club's whole history and getting relative success, Watchmen is widely regarded as being one of the greatest - if not the singular greatest - graphic novels of all time. The film was also fairly well thought-of, and its greatness is only really rivalled by Batman, although the success in Batman lies more in its commercial success than in the far-reaching comment.
Anyway, enough of that slightly gay backstory and all that jazz. I'll start off the review proper by saying that no matter what I criticise it for, I will always be grateful to Watchmen for actually giving me something exhilarating and exciting and all round brilliant to read. After recent let-downs, it was great for something of this quality to come along. And once again I'll say that's enough of that, and it's time for the penis jokes and just slagging things off to come along.
Firstly, and most importantly, I think that it needs to be said that someone's compensating for something with Dr Manhattan. Why does he have to spend virtually all of the book wandering around with his John Thomas hanging out? Now, either Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons didn't discover the drawing of large dongs until they were past the ability to draw the things on school textbooks or they just have a thing for the meat and two veg. Anyway, it's also blue. So it's like Avatar without the loincloths. And Dune overtones.
Secondly… Ah, not sure I have a second problem with it. The spicy undercurrent of homoeroticism inherent in things where the heroes in spandex jump around saving the world is somewhat offset by the fact that all the action involves a woman. In spandex, but that isn't the point. The point is that I'm unable to make gay jokes about the thing, which is a disappointment.
Unfortunately what that means is that I actually need to analyse the thing. Luckily, I rambled on so much earlier that I don't need to do so much now. All that really needs to be said is that for all it is in comic form it's far more intelligent than that. It's psychological and cunning and all those other adjectives that The Times use on a regular basis when trying to begrudgingly praise something.
Quickly looking at Rorschach, WHAT A CHARACTER!
No, nothing more. The main downside to him is that he's ginger.
Erm… What else?
You see, I'm really struggling with this review. I enjoyed Watchmen and I'm more than happy to sing its virtues, but to be honest I know next to nothing about what makes a graphic novel a success. My experience is that my graphic novel virginity was taken by The Gunslinger Born and I wish it was taken by Watchmen instead. But then that's the way of things, in general, isn't it?
-Rantonator Peter
Speaking of popular gingers, Chris hasn't done a review for a while. And no, I didn't ask out a ginger lass the other day. Matty did, mind. I also refute the allegations that I look like Craig Levein. Next week will see a review of Ender's Game. Which could be interesting.
On the plus side, contractual obligations cease at the end of the world, and I have a theory that should Rochdale actually get out of the bottom tier of English League football a paradox will ensue. The four horsemen of the apocalypse will ride in the skies; Odin will wake from his slumber and cast judgement upon the world; the Earth will be potted into a black hole in a game of intergalactic bar billiards, scoring thirty points while six and a bit billion people die. Or something. Anyway, the point is that I won't have to review the HSM films (if the word can actually be used).
There is a similar theory related to what would happen if I ever actually got a girlfriend. Accordingly, I'm trying hard to get a girlfriend and bring about the end of the world to save my own skin from the aforementioned rash promise. (A promise of a rash, as discussed, is something to keep between you and that lass from last night.)
Anyway, moving on from the realms of universe-altering events such as my love life becoming successful and Rochdale breaking the traditions of the club's whole history and getting relative success, Watchmen is widely regarded as being one of the greatest - if not the singular greatest - graphic novels of all time. The film was also fairly well thought-of, and its greatness is only really rivalled by Batman, although the success in Batman lies more in its commercial success than in the far-reaching comment.
Anyway, enough of that slightly gay backstory and all that jazz. I'll start off the review proper by saying that no matter what I criticise it for, I will always be grateful to Watchmen for actually giving me something exhilarating and exciting and all round brilliant to read. After recent let-downs, it was great for something of this quality to come along. And once again I'll say that's enough of that, and it's time for the penis jokes and just slagging things off to come along.
Firstly, and most importantly, I think that it needs to be said that someone's compensating for something with Dr Manhattan. Why does he have to spend virtually all of the book wandering around with his John Thomas hanging out? Now, either Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons didn't discover the drawing of large dongs until they were past the ability to draw the things on school textbooks or they just have a thing for the meat and two veg. Anyway, it's also blue. So it's like Avatar without the loincloths. And Dune overtones.
Secondly… Ah, not sure I have a second problem with it. The spicy undercurrent of homoeroticism inherent in things where the heroes in spandex jump around saving the world is somewhat offset by the fact that all the action involves a woman. In spandex, but that isn't the point. The point is that I'm unable to make gay jokes about the thing, which is a disappointment.
Unfortunately what that means is that I actually need to analyse the thing. Luckily, I rambled on so much earlier that I don't need to do so much now. All that really needs to be said is that for all it is in comic form it's far more intelligent than that. It's psychological and cunning and all those other adjectives that The Times use on a regular basis when trying to begrudgingly praise something.
Quickly looking at Rorschach, WHAT A CHARACTER!
No, nothing more. The main downside to him is that he's ginger.
Erm… What else?
You see, I'm really struggling with this review. I enjoyed Watchmen and I'm more than happy to sing its virtues, but to be honest I know next to nothing about what makes a graphic novel a success. My experience is that my graphic novel virginity was taken by The Gunslinger Born and I wish it was taken by Watchmen instead. But then that's the way of things, in general, isn't it?
-Rantonator Peter
Speaking of popular gingers, Chris hasn't done a review for a while. And no, I didn't ask out a ginger lass the other day. Matty did, mind. I also refute the allegations that I look like Craig Levein. Next week will see a review of Ender's Game. Which could be interesting.
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